Passionately Yours (Vicious Snakes Book 5) Read online

  My phone pings with a text and I look to see what Tyson has said.

  Tyson: It’s hard to believe that you are letting that poor bear suffer through whatever girly movie you are watching.

  Me: He seems to enjoy it.

  I can’t help but smile because at least he’s not mad or weirded out by me.

  We don’t text after that and it’s fine because after talking to everyone, I feel better.

  My mom walks in while I’m watching the movie. “Hey sweetie, I got some cream for you.” Her eyes soften on the bear and her lips tilt up into a smile when she sees how I arranged him.

  I thank her for the cream, especially since all the scars have been itchy and I know that my mom has been looking online for some cream that could help.

  I don’t want to make it worse than it already is.

  Tyson “Torch”

  I wake up to a text from Camilla. I couldn’t help but smile.

  I have been drunk on and off for the last few days, but that’s nothing new.

  Next month there is the family BBQ and, at the Clubhouse, everyone is already talking and making plans for it.

  I decide to venture back to my house, even though the thought fills me with dread. There are memories all over the place and I don’t know how I am supposed to live in there after everything.

  I don’t acknowledge anyone as I make my way through the Clubhouse. I’m not in the mood to see anyone and they all know to steer clear of me.

  The ride home isn’t that long and I pull up to the yard. The house looks like it has seen better days.

  The grass has grown quite a bit and the house looks like it hasn’t been lived in for years.

  I park my bike and stand there staring at everything. It may look like I am just checking out what all needs to be done, but really I’m trying to get the energy to walk inside.

  I haven’t been inside since my sister came over before we had found Cutter.

  I stand there for a long time looking at the house that was once a home. I don’t know how long I had been standing there, but I finally take a deep breath and make my way to the front door.

  Walking into the house feels cold and unwelcoming.

  The house is completely full of dust and the air smells stale, but I still can’t bring myself to care.

  I look into the living room and see the box that Stacey had left the day she was killed. I turn away to the kitchen and hope that I have some coffee.

  Searching the cupboards, I see that there is some coffee. It’s probably terrible, but I make some anyways. I rinse out a dusty cup and wait for the coffee to finish brewing. I already know that I’m not going to have fresh cream, but I look in the fridge anyway.

  Opening the door, a smell blasts from inside. I spend the next couple minutes gagging.

  As much as I would like to ignore it, I know I can’t.

  I grab the trash can that also has a terrible smell to it, and I already know I have to throw that out first. I would hate to puke on top of everything else.

  I dump the trash and walk back inside to clear everything out of the fridge. I don’t know what’s good or bad, but the smell in here is enough to make me want to never eat anything that was in there.

  It takes a few minutes to realize that I need to open a window. Once I do, I breathe in the fresh air that comes in and I exhale a sigh of relief.

  I pour my coffee and sit down at the table.

  I take a look around the kitchen and notice how dusty it has all gotten.

  Stacey would be absolutely disgusted by the place. She always had everything so neat, clean, and well organized.

  I’m feeling ashamed of how I let everything go downhill and, for the first time in months, I actually do something instead of opening a bottle when I wake up.

  I grab the cleaning supplies from under the sink and get to work on cleaning.

  I spend the whole day cleaning the kitchen and living room. I can say that at least now the house is smelling better.

  It’s already late by the time I stop for the day, and I order pizza and grab some vodka from the kitchen.

  I don’t bother with a glass since I know that I’m already going to drink the whole thing.

  I may have spent the day cleaning, but it took my mind off of everything when I turned on the music loud enough to drown out my thoughts.

  Once the pizza arrives, I turn on the TV and see the movie that Camilla was watching with her bear and decide to leave it on.

  It doesn’t take long before I polish off the pizza and vodka and am passed out on the couch.

  I fall into a drunken, dreamless sleep.

  I hope for a day that it will get easier.

  Chapter Six

  Camilla

  One month later…

  My days have been filled attending my self-defence classes, working out at the gym, and therapy. I still haven’t ventured outside by myself, but I haven’t been in any rush. My parents and brother go with me everywhere, and today I didn’t even freak out when I had to go get more underwear and bras. My mom had gone with me this time and I was thankful for that.

  There is nothing more awkward than buying bras and panties while your brother is standing beside you. People would get the wrong, disgusting impression.

  I am starting to build some muscles and, when the instructor brought in another guy last week to practice with me, I didn’t freak out as much.

  Everyone seems impressed with the work that I have done. The feeling I get while I do it is empowering in a way.

  I text Tyson every couple days with new things that I had done with the bear he had given me.

  I was glad he laughed at every single one and didn’t think that I was being weird or stupid for doing it.

  The texts gave me a little light when dark memories tried to come over me.

  The memories are the worst, and they seem to come at any time of the day or night.

  I try to brush them off while I get ready for tomorrow.

  The Vicious Snakes like to have their family BBQs, and I asked my family if they wanted to go. They had all jumped at the chance.

  I knew that they wanted to meet the people that saved me and see what they are like.

  My mom offers to cut my hair since she is a hairstylist and works in a salon. I’m grateful that she has stuff at home when she does everyone’s hair because I’m still not comfortable going out to do something like that.

  My mom used to cut hair in a room of our home. My mother had wanted to stay at home with the kids, but we still needed the money from her job, so she created an office for herself. She had a chair, sink, and anything else that she had needed installed.

  She took clients in between taking care of us. It wasn’t until we were in high school that she started working at a local salon.

  I head downstairs to her office and she’s already waiting with a smile on her face.

  “So, I was thinking that we could add some colour to your hair, if that’s okay with you?” she asks. I already know that she will do whatever I ask, but the excitement in her eyes is hard to hide.

  I let out a shrug. I trust my mom with my hair, so I have no problem with doing whatever she is imagining. It might be good for my self-esteem, and even sense of safety, to look a little different anyway.

  “Sure, mom. What colour do you have in mind?” I ask as I take a seat.

  “Well, you know… very vibrant colours are in. I know that you don’t like a lot of colour, but I was thinking black roots that blend into a deep red. I think it will look very pretty on you, and be something different, but not totally out of your comfort zone at this time like pink or blue.” she says looking at me to gage my reaction.

  I think it over. My mom has always told me that I would look pretty with red hair and that it would be something different.

  Finally, I nod and my mom claps her hands in excitement.

  “Let’s do it,” I say with a genuine smile.

  That’s how I spend the rest of my day.


  I talk with my mom and she tells me the latest gossip that she has heard from the clients she has. People tell a lot to her and she probably feels safe telling me because I’m her daughter and would never say anything outside of our conversations. I don’t leave the house or talk to anyone since I honestly don’t feel like the woman I used to be before everything I had went through and don’t know what I would say to anyone.

  My mom does my hair and waxes my eyebrows. I can tell she’s having fun so I just let her do what she does best.

  “Can we do your nails too?” she asks, and I look at her curiously since I know she doesn’t deal with nails; mostly hair and waxing.

  “Well, if you were feeling up to it, I could call Wendy to come over and do your nails,” she asks hesitantly.

  I take a moment to think. I’m more skittish around men, but I still haven’t had contact with many people; however, Wendy is my mom’s best friend and I have known her my whole life. I know that I could trust her and that she won’t ask me too many questions. I’m also sure that my mom would have told her everything since they are as close as sisters. I refer to her as “Auntie Wendy” since she has always been around.

  I blow out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. “Okay, call Auntie Wendy. It might be nice to see her,” I say honestly.

  My mom’s shoulders relax and she is obviously relieved.

  I don’t comment because I know that my parents have been worried about me. I watch as my mom leaves the room to call her.

  I take the chance to turn around and look in the mirror.

  I can’t help but gasp at the look before me.

  I barely recognize myself and it’s exactly what I needed. Since I don’t feel like the old me; this feels like the new me. My mother even took the opportunity to curl my hair in soft waves down my back, and I can tell she put some layers in. I smile at the person staring back at me.

  This feels good.

  When my mom walks back into the room, she raises an eyebrow at me.

  “I love it,” I say as tears well in my eyes, and I see the tears develop in hers as she pulls me in for a hug.

  “You have always been beautiful, sweetie, but I think it was time for a change,” she whispers in my ear. I nod my head since my voice doesn’t seem to be working.

  It’s almost an hour later when Auntie Wendy shows up. I am about to ask her what took her so long because she doesn’t live very far away when she holds up pizza and I smile.

  I eat and chat with her and my mom before she does my nails. I find myself relaxing and enjoying the company that they give me.

  We decide to do my nails to match my hair. She gives me gel nails and a pedicure. It’s amazing what a day relaxing and getting pampered will do for you.

  That night I go to sleep excited to see everyone. I haven’t had any conversations with Tyson really beyond me sending silly photos, but I am still excited to see him.

  Sleep doesn’t come easily and time goes by slow until we leave for the BBQ the next day. I already know that I’m going to be in a safe place, and I don’t have any nerves about going.

  My parents and brother ask me if I’m nervous on the way. They ask me why that is, considering that I pretty much have a panic attack going to the store or gym.

  I just tell them one thing.

  “They made me safe.”

  Tyson “Torch”

  This past month has been nothing but me fixing up my house during the day and drinking at night. I only went into the master bedroom to grab my clothes and walk right out afterwards. I can’t deal with that yet.

  I set up my clothes in the guest bedroom. We had one in case anyone needed a place to crash, and I’m thankful for that right now.

  I tore down the bathroom and started renovating it. I needed a change, and I will slowly change each room.

  I plan to keep the things that mean the most to me and remind me of Stacey, but I can’t keep living in a house that brings me back down into the darkness.

  The bathroom had come along nicely, and I was able to add a huge bathtub and a double sink. I already decided to change the master bathroom to just a shower whenever I was ready to go into there, but I’ll save that project for last.

  The kitchen was next on my list. I wasn’t the best cook in the world, but it would be good to update the appliances.

  Honestly, Stacey and I had wanted to spend some of the next years fixing it, but we just didn’t have the time with everything going on at the club. Now I know that I had the time, and I also had a ton of money saved for this reason alone. I liked to work at the shop with most of the brothers but, since I have been nothing but a drunk, my dad and the president of our club cut off my work duties until I’m fully able to work without drinking or hung over since I could really hurt myself or someone else if I wasn’t careful. I fully understood and respected that. I had my cut from the businesses in town and a lot of savings, so I wasn’t in a hurry to start working again.

  I hadn’t bothered to tell anyone what I was doing, but I’m sure my family will come over to check on me eventually and see the place.

  Now that the bathroom is finished, I won’t have to shower at the club. It was an inconvenience to go there whenever I wanted a shower or to use the washroom.

  The kitchen was completely torn apart, but I had been ordering pizza and drinking whisky, so it wouldn’t be used for a while anyway. It is a slow process for me to go through everything and decide what I wanted to keep because of its sentimental value.

  One thing for sure was that Stacey wouldn’t have wanted me to keep this house as a shrine to her. Plus, working on the house keeps my mind busy.

  The only person I had really had any contact with was Camilla. She was sending me pictures every few days of that damn bear and any crazy thing she had gotten him into.

  It had seemed to be the only thing to put a smile on my face these days. The only other things that had made me smile were my niece and nephews.

  The other day, I had gotten a picture of her and the bear sitting in what looks like their backyard. The bear was laying back in the little leather jacket on top of a towel with sunglasses on and a drink with an umbrella in his hand. I’m pretty sure that there was an umbrella in the background too.

  Most of the pictures had been taken inside her parents’ house which is where she is staying right now. All her stuff was moved into there. I’m not surprised that she’s not ready to go outside yet.

  The only other picture she had given me that wasn’t inside her parents’ house was at the gym. The bear had shorts over its clothes and a facecloth draped over its shoulders. Her brother must have taken the picture for her because I had seen her in the background ready to take some guy to the ground.

  When I had asked her about it, she simply told me that she was learning self-defence. I was completely proud of her for that. She may not see it, but she was slowly getting herself back together.

  Taking the time to go to therapy and the gym for self-defence takes a lot for her, yet she does it every day. All it takes is one step at a time.

  Today, I’m getting ready for the family BBQ, but I don’t feel the need to go. I know that I have to show up or my mother will come here and literally pull me by my ear which is something that I don’t want to be subjected to as a grown man.

  I have a shower and change into jeans and a t-shirt before putting my cut on. I take a glance at myself in the mirror and I’m definitely not the man I used to be.

  I have a beard now, but I’m not in the mood to shave it off today. My hair could use a cut, but that will happen in time.

  Just like Camilla is doing.

  One step at a time.

  One moment at a time.

  Chapter Seven

  Tyson “Torch”

  I get to the Clubhouse and it’s already packed with members and family.

  My nephew Hale runs up to me and wraps his arms around my leg.

  “Hey buddy,” I say as I pick him up.


  “Uncle Tyson! I missed you,” he says giving me another hug.

  Fuck, that feels like a punch to the gut. I know that I haven’t been around, but I didn’t think about what my niece and nephew thought of that.

  I walk over to Ella who smiles at me while holding Luke in her arms. DJ is playing on the ground beside her with Star. I decide to spend some time with the little ones since it’s clear that they miss me.

  That much is obvious when I sit on the ground with Hale and they all swarm me.

  Before I know it, I’m on my back with all the little ones on top of me. I carefully hold Luke in my arms since he’s the youngest and I don’t want him to fall to the ground and hurt himself.

  I’m glad that I am sober right now because I wouldn’t dream of being drunk in front of these kids.

  I spend the next hour playing with them before I grab some food. I end up sharing with the kids, so I had to make a new plate several times. The way they barely left my side shows how much they missed me and that makes me feel like shit because they shouldn’t be missing me when I’ve been in town this whole time.

  Sure, I am going through a hard time right now, but these little ones don’t understand that. They only know that their uncle isn’t around. I make a promise to myself to spend more time with them.

  After we eat, Camilla shows up with her family.

  I have to stop my jaw from dropping because she looks completely different. Her hair has changed to a deep red colour and she looks much happier than the woman she was when she left.

  I find myself checking her out even though she’s in a long sleeved shirt and pants. I know that she is strategically wearing them to hide all of her scars.

  I didn’t see much of her scars except the ones that were on her arms. I have a feeling there are more on her body. Still, she looks good.