Without Claire Read online

  How could you miss something you’ve never even had? I never did the girlfriend thing. I barely even dated. I would go on a date here and there when I thought I liked a woman, but they would always turn out to be bat shit crazy, or boring as fuck. None of them had sparked a fire in me like Claire has already seemed to do in the few hours I’ve been hanging out with her.

  I already know that I am going to do whatever it takes to give this a shot. No woman has affected me this way, and I think that means it’s at least worth a shot. I know that I would always wonder what could have been if I never tried to see where this could go.

  “So, Claire what do you do for a living?” I ask her.

  “Oh, I am a writer. I spend lots of my time writing books.” She seems nervous. I don’t want her to be nervous.

  “What have you written? What kind of books?” Courtney asks. It’s no secret that she loves reading.

  “Romance…” Claire whispers. She looks at everyone but me. What is that about?

  “…wait… you’re not Claire Daniels are you?” Courtney asks with an excited voice.

  Claire nods and blushes. I might have to check out these books. I don’t read romance, but I would love to know what this woman has been writing, especially if I am going to make a move on her.

  “HOLY SHIT! That’s fucking awesome!” Tara says loudly causing Derek to rub his ear. I know that the rest of the brother’s and I don’t know what the big deal is. A book is a book, right?

  “I love your books! O-M-G, you have to sign a copy for me!” Courtney runs inside, and the other girls run after her. They are probably going to get their books for her to sign, too.

  “Well that was… interesting,” Cole mutters.

  “I can’t believe that you are the writer that they are always talking about. They are always reading and discussing your books. I probably know everything that happens in the books just from hearing them talk about them,” Trevor tells Claire.

  She looks down and blushes. “Thanks, I think…”

  The girls come running outside with huge smiles on their faces. They’re acting like children at Christmas. They’ve set about fifteen books in front of Claire. That makes us laugh. I see some of the covers have half-naked men on the front. I don’t know why, but that stirs something in my chest seeing that. I guess I like the idea that she has adventurous fantasies.

  Claire signs all their copies, and then we get back to finishing our supper. After supper, we make our drinks, and head to the living room to start a game of charades.

  I really hope that Paige doesn’t act like she did when we played Pictionary.

  Chapter Three

  Claire

  It’s official, I am now terrified of Paige. I had a feeling she was competitive, but I had no idea that it would come to this.

  “FUCKING WEDDING PLANNER!” Paige yells at Cole. She actually yells at him. There are two teams, but I think that no one is saying the right answer because Paige is seriously riled up. I can see everyone trying to hide their smiles from her.

  Cole shakes his head trying to hold in his laughter.

  “Wedding date?” She squints at him like that is going to really help her guess.

  I am on a team with Tara, Trevor, Liam, Kyle, and Noah. The other team is Luke, Cole, Derek, Sam, Courtney and Paige. We are seriously kicking ass. I have had a bunch of daiquiris, so I am buzzed enough to talk and play this game. Normally, I would just sit quietly and observe.

  Anyways, back to the game. Cole is clearly singing. We all know that this is a movie. He did the whole walking down the aisle thing that everyone guessed pretty fast, and then he stood there like he was standing on stage singing pretending to throw a rock concert. He’s seriously pulling out all the stops for this round. If you haven’t guessed it, the answer is “The Wedding Singer”. Paige has said everything but that. I swear some weren’t even movies. How can someone be this bad at a game?

  “Is she like this for every game?” I lean over and whisper to Noah. I am sitting between him, and Tara right now watching the show of Paige unfold. She gets so angry. I think that’s why everyone is finding it funny. If she was good at this game, I could see everyone not wanting to play with her, but the fact that she can’t guess anything just makes it fucking funny. I thought when they said she was competitive that she would be good, but clearly I was wrong.

  “She was like this when she drew a turtle, and Kyle couldn’t guess what it was. It looked like a fucking rat. The guy nearly pissed himself with how she was yelling at him,” Noah whispers to me. I look over, and I think that Cole is ready to burst with laughter.

  Noah nudges me, “I took a picture of her turtle on my phone. Check it out.” Noah pulls out his phone, and I look at the picture of this turtle. It seriously looks like this turtle has something wrong with its legs. They are twice as big as his head. There is a wrap around the eyes, but the eyes are small. It looks like it’s squinting at you. I can’t help it. I start laughing.

  The snort that comes from me should be embarrassing, but I really don’t care right now. I am laughing so hard that the living room has gone quiet with everyone watching me as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

  Paige is scowling at me. “Can we get on with the game?” she asks impatiently. Is she seriously tapping her foot? I don’t know why, but that makes me laugh harder.

  “She’s losing it,” Liam says grinning at me.

  “What the fuck is so funny?” Sam asks, and I swear he glares at Noah for making me laugh.

  “I just showed her a picture,” he shrugs like it’s no big deal. He looks at me and winks, and I don’t know why.

  “It was probably of his dick. That’s why she’s laughing so hard,” Luke says making everyone laugh. I start laughing again. Noah glares at me, but I know he’s not really offended.

  Being around these people on my birthday turned out to be a good thing. I don’t think that I have laughed this much in over six years. I didn’t realise what I was missing by keeping my distance from people. I knew that I was missing my family and friends, but I never really felt it hard until now. It was almost like I had become numb, and forgot what it was like to laugh, smile, and have friends. After the few hours I have spent here, I could already see them being my friends. They don’t seem like the type to let you say “bye” once you are in their circle. That thought brings a warmth to my previously cold and lonely heart.

  I have no idea why Sam is still looking at Noah glaring like he did something wrong. What is up with this guy? I think to myself.

  “Shut it, you assholes. If I showed her a picture of my dick, we wouldn’t be here right now,” Noah states as he throws his arm over my shoulders. My cheek turns a deep shade of red. I cannot believe he just said that.

  “You would be lucky if I touched you,” I tell him as I remove his arm with a look of disgust on my face. What’s that? Sass? Yeah, that’s me. Bring it.

  Everyone starts laughing, and I see Sam finally smile. God, he has a nice smile. He could seriously stop wars with it. Did he think that Noah was flirting with me? No, that can’t be it. I’m just me. These guys are like GQ models, and I am a troll compared to them.

  I snort at the thoughts my mind is supplying me with. Jesus, what’s with me? I never snort.

  “Ouch, baby girl. You cut me real deep, you know that?” Noah puts a hand on his chest dramatically, and adds a quivering lip, like I actually broke his heart. I can’t help but roll my eyes. Seriously? Do girls really fall for that?

  “I’m sure that your ego could have used some bruising. There wasn’t enough oxygen in the room to fill it. I was starting to get light headed,” I tell him which earns another laugh from everyone. I see his lip twitch.

  “I think we are going to be great friends, Little Claire. Great friends,” he says back to me. I roll my eyes. I’m anything but little, but I don’t say anything.

  “Wedding Crashers!” Paige yells which earns a burst of laughter from everyone. I forgot we were even playing.
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  I seriously can’t take it anymore. How can she be this bad at games? “Oh, for fuck sakes, it’s Wedding Singer! How could you not get that?” I throw my hands up in the air in frustration.

  She looks at me, and her jaw drops opens. A smile spreads across her face. You’d think I just told her the secret to life. I can’t help but roll my eyes at her.

  “Genius! I knew you were smart!” she yells loudly causing Derek to wince at the volume of her voice. He starts rubbing his ear since he’s the one sitting beside her.

  “I think that Paige might be drunk,” Cole mutters. Everyone nods in agreement, but I have a feeling drunk or not, this woman would not be good at this game.

  “Let’s pick a different game,” Luke says. Everyone gets up to refill their drinks, and I walk outside for some fresh air.

  I am standing outside. The back lights are on, but it’s dark outside. I take the chance to look up at the sky. I love looking up at the stars. They are always so beautiful. I have no idea how long I have been standing outside for. I am lost in thought.

  I think about the past six birthdays that I have spent by myself. The first one wasn’t on purpose since that was the night of the accident. I spent the birthdays after that alone because I couldn’t stand to celebrate my life anymore. All I did was eat and write. I wasn’t really living; I just existed. I never talked to people unless I had to. I only talked to the landlord to pay my rent, the lady at the checkout at the grocery store, and my doorman, Thomas. I have dinner with Thomas once a week so that he doesn’t worry about me. Wow, I didn’t realize how much I have just existed until tonight.

  I hear the back door open and close. “Are you okay?” the deep voice asks. I close my eyes and soak up the sound of his voice. I spent the last few hours watching him with his family, and I may have developed a teeny tiny crush on the guy. What? He’s gorgeous. You have to be blind not to see it. He is the only one that really stands out to me, but that might have something to do with the fact he hasn’t really taken his eyes off of me all night. I tried to act like I didn’t notice, but I did.

  I clear my throat, “I’m fine. It’s just a lot to take in, you know? I’ve been alone for so long that it became the norm. My life was wake up, eat, write, maybe read, or watch a movie, and go to sleep. Lather, rinse, and repeat. I didn’t even really know that I was missing anything until those women met me at the store and brought me back here. I didn’t know how lonely my life was, or how bad it had gotten. I was numb to everything and everyone, and I didn’t care. That’s how I lived. Then I come here and see everyone together, and how close you all are and I… I guess I didn’t even know what I was missing,” I sniffle. Could this get any more embarrassing? This hot guy asks me if I am okay, and I just unload all this crap on him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to unload all my shit on you. It’s been a long time since anyone has asked me if I was okay.”

  I feel his arms come around me. I turn around and put my arms around his waist and hug him tightly. Holy fuck, he is rock hard. Like, seriously, does he even have an ounce of fat on him? I take a deep breath, and that’s when I notice how fucking good he smells. Holy shit. He’s all spicy and manly. I take a big whiff of him, and then I hear his throaty chuckle.

  “Did you just sniff me?” Holy shit, I guess this could get more embarrassing.

  I groan into his chest. “You smell really good.” My voice is muffled by his shirt, but he still hears me and he laughs.

  He does the craziest thing next. He brings his face down to my neck and sniffs me back! I know! What the fuck? I don’t know why, but that has my laughing really hard. “You just sniffed me!” I yell, still not letting him go.

  He laughs with me. “You smell really good too,” he chuckles into my neck.

  “Okay, this is the weirdest hug I have ever had. I don’t think I have ever taken turns sniffing someone,” I say. He throws his head back to the sky, laughs, and responds, “Good. No one can sniff you, but me.”

  He leans back, and cups my face in his hands. My breath stops when he leans in. Seriously, I am holding my breath. What is he doing? He’s not going to kiss me, is he? HOLY FUCKING SHIT, he’s kissing me. He gives me a soft gentle kiss with no tongue. I can’t help but feel disappointed at that. Where did that thought come from? I can’t help but think that this is the best first kiss. Before I am ready, its over. He pulls away, and then looks into my eyes. I see hope, lust, and a softness that I haven’t noticed before now in them. In that moment, I know that this man has the power to break my heart.

  “Wow…” Is that all I can manage to say? He smiles at me.

  “Happy Birthday, baby.” He gives me a quick peck, and walks back inside like his world wasn’t just turned upside down. Seriously, did that just happen, or am I dreaming this whole thing? I think my teeny tiny crush on Sam Hastings has been turned all the way up.

  Chapter Four

  Sam

  I couldn’t stop myself. When I had seen Claire go outside, I had to follow her. I knew that she was probably overwhelmed by everything that had been going on today. Spending six years of birthdays alone, and then, suddenly, you’re thrown into this group of people who are closer than anything you could imagine. It also doesn’t help that there are so many of us.

  Then she began talking about how lonely she was and how she was just existing in life without really living, and I couldn’t stop myself from holding her. It tore my heart apart to hear the sadness and loneliness in her voice.

  I also couldn’t stop myself from kissing her. It wasn’t the kiss I really wanted to give her, but I think that if I went after her like a starving man, she would have run as far as she could to get away from me. I couldn’t have that. I want this woman more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I don’t want to ruin my chances before I even really have one.

  She has the softest lips, and I cannot wait until I get to kiss them again. I already know that I am going to move this thing between us slowly because I don’t want to scare her away. One kiss, and I already know that she is the one for me. One day, I will find out what happened to her. Whatever it is, I know that she has never really healed from it. I want to be the one to help her, and walk beside her through it all.

  I never really knew what jealousy felt like until that moment that Noah made her laugh. I wanted to be the one to make her laugh. I wanted to be the reason that she smiles. Then, he went and put his arm around her. I wanted to rip the fucking thing off. I hoped to fuck he wasn’t trying to put the moves on her because she is mine. She was mine from the moment that I laid eyes on her. The kiss that I just gave her only confirmed it.

  I head back inside, and everyone is grinning wide at me. I knew one of them went to spy on us. Fuck, if they embarrass her, I will seriously think about throwing some punches.

  I sit, and see everyone looking at me. “What?”

  “You sure don’t waste any time, now do you?” Paige asks with a grin.

  “Just say what you want to say, and get it over with,” I tell them. I would like them to get it over with so that they don’t embarrass Claire, ruining any chance that I have with her.

  “What if I wanted to make a go for her?” Noah asks me. I feel my hands clench on my thighs, and the fucker is smirking because he knows what he is doing.

  “Don’t even think about it,” I growl.

  “Why not? She is totally into me, and then you went back there and tried to weasel your way in,” he states looking smug.

  “If I was into you then you would know it. I honestly don’t feel like getting crabs tonight,” Claire says while entering the living room. She sits down beside me. I automatically put my arm around her. This feels so natural with her.

  Everyone bursts out laughing. Noah can’t even hide his smile because, fuck, she’s got some sass in her when she’s drinking. I have a feeling that she is going to be shy as fuck when she wakes up tomorrow.

  We play a couple more games, and everyone ends up getting wasted. Since Claire is the only one wh
o doesn’t live near here, we all convince her to spend the night. I ended up walking her over to my house. I knew I had to hold her in my arms one more time just in case I don’t get to for a long time after this.

  We walk into my room, and I find her a shirt of mine to sleep in. She puts it on, and it goes to her thighs. She looks so fucking good in my clothes that I have to stop myself from attacking her like an animal. Once she gets into bed, I strip down to my boxers and get under the covers. I pull her in so that her back is to my chest, and my arm is around her stomach.

  “Good Night, baby,” I whisper, and kiss her shoulder.

  “Good Night, Sam,” she whispers back.

  Within seconds, Claire is asleep. I fall asleep shortly after. I hope she isn’t going to wake up and freak out thinking that I took advantage of her. That would not be the kind of impression that I want to give her.

  I wake up the next morning with a headache, but that is easily forgotten when I open my eyes to find that Claire is still in my arms. I can tell that she is still sleeping, so I don’t move. I want to soak in this moment just in case I don’t get to hold her for a while like this. I don’t know her experience level, but I can tell that she is innocent. I just don’t know how innocent yet. That is something that I plan to find out soon.

  I can tell the moment she wakes up because she stirs, and then a few seconds later she stiffens. Slowly she turns in my arms, and sees that it’s me. She visibly relaxes. I want to pound on my chest like a caveman that she’s fucking happy that it’s me here in the morning, and not anyone else, like that fucker Noah.

  Thinking about him being the one waking up to Claire in the morning has me seeing red. I look down at Claire, and she’s looking at me with confusion. She must have been drunk enough to have forgotten.